Interview: B. Dolan

B. Dolan is a performance artist and rapper from Rhode Island. He has two albums which are available through the Strange Famous Records label. In early May The Find writer Niels van Geffen tweeted “B.Dolan is following me and unfollowing me, so he can get more followers… Pathetic.”

This tweet led to a string of sometimes heated tweets between B. Dolan, Niels van Geffen, The Find, and me, @Badfishn. In response, B. Dolan requested a snarky and explicit interview. We thought it would be fun, so we sent him the questions that follow with his thoughtful responses.

In an effort to promote yourself you use a follow/unfollow bot on Twitter. What is the name of the software you are using?

Why do you want to know? Trying to get your little bulletin board off the ground? That’s adorable. Shut up. B. Dolan is talking. I’m about to make you fucking famous without the use of software. Strange Famous. Bitch. Might want to spring for a server upgrade because I don’t know if The Find Mag has got the bandwith needed for actual people to visit the site. I thought your site was a YouTube aggregator. I thought your site was a GoogleBot. I thought I shit in your mouth.

What are your goals in using this software?

To get noticed by douchebags with nothing to do but read Twitter all day, so I can help them legitimize their hobby. I thought your site was a used musical equipment catalogue. Sell me a recorder.

If your goal is to gain new followers, how do you feel about the fact that an existing fan that gets a “B. Dolan (@BDolanSFR) is now following you on Twitter!” e-mail might be disappointed that you are essentially gaming the system?

I’m a rapper. Piss-cum. My job is to game the system. You know when I discovered Twitter Bots? When I got a message that said “Bun B is now following you on Twitter!” For a second I was like “WHAT? GTFO!”, but then I checked it out and remembered “Oh wait, Bun B doesn’t give a shit about me because unlike Asher Roth, I didn’t pay him to give me a backstage dap.”

Then I put on my big girl panties, looked into what he was doing, and realized that I could learn something from his Twitter hustle. You’re right though, what I should have done was cut myself in the dark and wondered why legends in the game are not throwing themselves at my feet, just by sheer virtue of the unearned entitlement and inflated sense of importance, bestowed upon me by a culture that breeds millions of idiot manchild emporers demanding total attention and building internet shrines to themselves!

Does this software automate the unfollow task also?

Yup!

You follow anywhere from 40 to 500+ people at a time, do you ever read the tweets of the people you follow using this software?

I follow 800 at a time. I unfollow whoever doesn’t follow me back because fuck them. Starting a few days ago, I have begun following everyone who follows me and using lists to organize people. The healthy will go to work in my elite Feed mine. The unhealthy will tweet about Odd Future and Charlie Sheen until I lay them to waste. I follow no man. Men be phony.

Did you not expect some negative feedback to utilizing this type of software, why or why not?

Of course I did.

Do you hate blast emails for promotion? How is this different?

I’m literally pissing in your mouth while you ask me that question. Feel my piss splash against your teeth. Look at how the sun catches the glint of my unbroken golden stream as it hits you in the eye and goes up your nose before returning to your tongue. You drink my piss and then you say “Thank You Daddy”.

How do you respond to the statement that bots used to follow/unfollow seems disingenuous to ‘social’ media?

You worked hard on that question. C’mere Cracker Smiley, let me show you your Facebook profile. See that cellphone picture you posted after taking a hundred audition shots, lining up the glare and the bathroom mirror just right to hide your flat nasal bridge, thin upper lip, and other tell tale signs of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?

You know, the picture you added that cool “Negative” photoshop effect to. It’s in your ‘Just Chillin’ album, next to the pics from high school with your Linkin Park poster cropped out of the background.

Wait… what we were talking about? Oh yeah. Keeping it genuine in the world of social media.

Why did you delete the string of tweets where you, Niels, and myself tweeted back and forth concerning this issue?

I had a better idea on how to present this lively debate. This interview is that idea. See that? We made something worth reading together.

That’s why I keep a robot army. SO I CAN DO MY WORK AND YOURS TOO.

What are you currently working on? You mentioned the ‘House of Bees 2 mixtape‘ and the possibility of The Church of Love and Ruin making an appearance at SXSW next year, any updates on that front?

Yeah yeah. Things are in the works. Stop wasting my time with stupid questions and they might even come to life.

Any new characters in the works?

I’m working on one called “Mr. I Give A Fuck,” but there’s still some development to do there.

Anything else you would like to say about personal promotion or just in general?

I don’t need your pussy bitch I’m on my own dick. Hip Hop is Dead.

Maybe hip hop is dead when talented musicians have to turn themselves into scum sucking direct marketers just to garner enough attention to make a living in hip hop.

A big “Thank you Daddy” goes out to B. Dolan for being a good sport and hiding a few interesting points among his colorful answers. Also good to hear he has made a few changes in his Twitter software after having this discussion and interview with us.